Okay, here’s the deal. I met a guy on Match. Our first date went great, and we followed that up with two more wonderful dates over the next week. And before you say that maybe I only thought he had a great time, he agreed that we did.
But then, he had to go out of town. And after that, I got sick. So, fast forward three weeks… we finally went out again… and we had a good time again… and even though it might of been too soon… we were shall we say, intimate.
But with all this being said, I noticed that he was still active on Match the whole time that we’ve been dating. (I didn’t stalk him or anything… Match tells you this how recent a person was active on the site). At first, I was only checking my own account half-heartedly, but as he continued checking his, I started checking mine more. I figured I had to keep busy if his intent was to continue dating other people.
Finally, I brought it up and asked him what his intentions were. I did it in as non-confrontational a way as possible. I told him, if you’re still meeting other people, I might as well, too. He responded that I should do what I felt was right.
We then agreed that being intimate with more than one person at a time was wrong. But he still added that we do not know each other well enough yet to stop meeting other people. Otherwise, we could miss out on the “right” person.
Now here’s my question… after 4 dates and extensive talking, how much shopping does he need to do before he figures he should become vested and try for a relationship? Is he just keeping me around for sex and company until something better comes along? Or am I over-thinking things?
LemonVibe 
[I have never met a man in my entire life that didn’t know if he wanted a relationship after 4 dates. Hell, I usually know before the first date (I understand that the very nature of online dating requires the first date to come first though).
My point is, if he’s still meeting other women, he probably isn’t satisfied with you. And that’s not your fault at all. There could be several reasons: maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or maybe he’s a big jerk and wants to string you along and “keep his options open.” It’s impossible for us to know, and speculating doesn’t do a whole lot of good.
BUT, you deserve a person that will put 110% of their effort into making your relationship work. No matter the reason, this guy isn’t doing that and just doesn’t seem worth your time.
[I try not to make sweeping generalizations, but this is one of those instances where I’m 99.999999% sure he’s not ever going to make the commitment to you. I’d say that his response was his not-so-subtle way of telling you not that you’re not in fact the One.
[I pretty much agree with Dennis on this. He doesn’t sound like a very good guy. It sounds like he joined Match to meet people, sure. But he clearly isn’t the “I need to find love and settle down ASAP” type. I understand why you feel like he may be keeping his options open — because he is. Do you honestly think that people join online dating sites, and then cancel their account as soon as they meet someone kinda compatible? No. They don’t. They may not check it every day, but they don’t just get rid of it at the first sign of a relationship.
Now, I also understand where he is coming from. I’ve always taken the “male” approach to dating. I kept my options very wide open until I found the guy I’m with now. Before I met my bf, I would never even think about “hmm, should I be exclusive with this guy? Or maybe this other guy?” I never thought about labeling it until I met my boyfriend, and in that case, it just sort of happened. We liked each other and it became exclusive without us having to “label” it first.
You just seem a little desperate. If you want to casually date until you find the right person, that’s great. That’s the best attitude to have. But it seems like you’ve got your heart set on finding Mr. Right ASAP. So you should probably relax a little. If you like this guy, then fine. Like him. Go out with him, but don’t invest too much into it if he isn’t willing to do the same. If you’re looking right now for a soul mate, you should look elsewhere, because he clearly isn’t looking for the same thing.
[There’s no reason you shouldn’t be continuing to look. 4 dates isn’t going to give anyone enough time to decide whether they’re in love or not. You don’t know enough about the person yet! You don’t know all the little quirks that make them tic.
I personally, have a 3 month rule. Even if I’m seeing someone exclusively during that 3 month time, I remember that I’m still learning about the person. After about 3 months, people stop trying to put their best foot forward as it were and you can really start to see all the little things that they weren’t really wanting to show before.
I’m going to have to answer your question of if he’s stringing you along with one of my own: So what if he is? No one says you have to have sex with him again if you don’t want to and you’ll never learn more about him and him about you if you just leave it there. If you had fun hanging out with him and you want to find out more about him, you’ll have to hang out with him more. If you feel he’s just in it for the sex, don’t do that and let him know you won’t and see if he sticks around. If he’s actually considering you for anything more than a booty call, he’ll understand.
Just don’t stop looking yourself! Don’t get so caught up on one person that you blind yourself to Mr. Right when he does come along.
As others said, loosen up a bit. Relationships take time to figure out (after all, you’re learning to understand an entire person!) and you’ll do yourself no favors if you try to force them to grow before they’re ready.