Okay, I’m posting this for my cousin (who’s a guy):
So I have this girl I’ve been dating for a couple years now. I really love her, and I’m the first guy she’s ever dated, but she’s going through a rough time right now- her parents are arguing a lot and probably are getting a divorce so she’s basically put us on break. She and I still talk every day and hang out, but she doesn’t know what she wants and I don’t really know what to do. I can’t really date around, but I can’t touch her either and it’s frustrating. At this point my choice is basically to wait or not wait and I’m trying to just go with the flow. Is there anything specific I should be doing in this situation?
Also I really don’t want to tell my mom, she loves my girlfriend and thinks we’re going to be together forever.
LemonVibe 
[First of all, your mother should not have a say in who you’re with forever. If you care about this girl, discussing it with people close to you might be a good idea, but if your mother is going to blindly tell you to stay with her because SHE likes her, that’s bad.
If you legitimately feel like you want to be seeing other people while your girlfriend has put you on a “break” then that’s what you should be doing. It’s really really selfish of her to put your relationship on hold and then ask you not to see other people either. Her parents’ divorce has really nothing to do with you, yet you’re suffering because of it, and don’t even get the benefit of having someone to be with physically and emotionally.
I know it might be harsh, but divorce is not the end of the world. The biggest thing that changes for the child involved is where they live/how they live. They still get to see their parents and eventually it will become a new normal. She’s being quite dramatic if she’s putting your relationship on hold to deal with her parents’ issues. They’re her parents’ issues, not hers. I know it can be stressful for her, but it’s not as if she’s dealing with them 24 hours a day and doesn’t have time for a relationship.
If you truly love this girl and want to stick by her side, then by all means, do that. I just want to let you know that girls can sometimes be manipulative without even thinking about it. I fear she’s guilting you into staying with her even though she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. She knows you know how vulnerable she is, so she knows she’ll always have you there to turn to, even though she’s not committed to a relationship.
I know she says she needed to be on a break because of the divorce, but I just don’t see how the two have anything to do with one another.
[There are two things you need to ask yourself:
1.) Do you love her, as in 100% know you love her, would do anything for her and want to be there for all of the good (and bad) and everything in-between?
2.) Does she, without a doubt, feel the same way about you? (that you are aware of).
If you answered Yes to both questions then I say, “Don’t give up.”
I’m not going to lie to you and say that won’t be hard…it’s probably going to get extremely difficult at times. You’ll get frustrated. You’ll get angry. You’ll want to solve all of her problems but feel powerless. This is where you’re just going to have to be patient.
She is going through something,, I can only imagine it to be, very rough, emotionally exhausting and it’s weighing heavily on her. Her parents relationship could very well be her primary symbol for what relationships are suppose to be like. If this is falling apart then so is her entire belief system on relationships. Her thoughts may be that if she can’t believe in her folks relationship (and love) how can she believe in it as a whole?
She’s going to need someone from time to time. At times it may be you. Other times it may be another friend of hers.
Give her space when she needs it. Respect the break that she’s put on your relationship. But don’t give up on the idea of a future with her.
Most importantly, don’t give up on love. Show her love every day that you can. Make her believe in it again. Let her know that though love may not always be perfect (nothing’s perfect) love is real and it can withstand even the worst trials and tribulations.
Call me a hopeless romantic. But if the love you two share is real…then all she needs is the time, and support, to see that again. Be the one who holds her hand and helps her find the way again.
[Hmm. I’m on the fence here. I really loved Parker’s response–very nuanced and complicated. If her parents are going through a divorce, this is undoubtedly a very difficult time in her life. HOWEVER, I do think it’s strange she put your cousin’s several years’ long relationship on hold. If you’ve been dating for more than a couple of months, I think a divorce shouldn’t require a relationship to go on break. Obviously her idea of a relationship (I’m assuming her parents divorce blindsided her and they were the perfect couple) is a very difficult thing to go through BUT she also has to consider your feelings as well.
So my advice is this: Give her space, but when you’ve feel you’ve waited long enough, move on. There’s a line between being compassionate and being taken advantage of. It’s really the fact you mention you’ve been in a relationship for several years that raises a red flag for me. It sounds as though you really love her, though. So after what you think is an appropriate amount of time, communicate your feelings to her–about your confusion, why she put you guys on break how long she expects your break to last and what she’s thinking about your relationship. I would want answers to these questions.
[The thing that strikes me that most about this letter is the fact that you guys have been dating for a couple of years and she still thinks it’s ok to “put you on hold.”
I feel like maybe this relationship doesn’t quite mean as much to her as it should… or as much as it does to you. I would give her the time… this is a very difficult thing she’s going through, and compassion and understanding are going to do wonders. But don’t give her forever. Don’t let her push you to the back burner. If you want to keep her, you’re going to have to confront her about this.
[Relationships aren’t DVDs. You can’t reasonably expect to pause them for however long is convenient for you and still pick up exactly where you left off. That is because there are two people (with needs and expectations and feelings) in a relationship, and only one person and an inanimate object when watching DVDs.
Your girlfriend is undoubtedly going through a lot of stuff right now, and it’s not selfish of her to want to take some time to get her head on straight and try to figure out what she wants. What is incredibly selfish of her is to push you out and still try to keep you on a short leash. She can’t have her cake and eat it too.
You could be there for her as a friend as she goes through this crappy situation, but it’s uncredibly unfair of her to still expect you to be in this romantic limbo with you.
[You know, I am torn on this one. On one hand, I get that when you go through something tough, you might want to hide out and not focus on a relationship. On the other hand, I feel like when you are going through a tough time you might need the person you love and who supports you more than ever. If you two have been together for a long time, I see no true reason why she would put you two on a break. Had you been together for a short time, I guess I could see her feeling like she didn’t want to involve you. I believe this might just be an excuse to let you go, but keep you around. I have done this in the past when I thought the relationship was maybe going downhill, but didn’t want to quit it completely. It sounds like you are young. I would move on and then if things end up working out later, great. But don’t spend time waiting for someone who might never come around.
[I get the impression that both of you are fairly young. You also say that this is the girl’s first relationship. I would guess that, as such, she doesn’t know what to think. She hasn’t matured enough to really understand the give and take aspects of a functional, long term relationship. She’s afraid of what will happen if she sets you free, and she’s afraid of what will happen if she doesn’t.
Honestly this sounds like some issues that SHE has to work out. You’ve been there for her, but you can’t just wait in the wings until she says “Oh I think I want to see you again.” You are giving her far too much power.
Man up and tell her that as much as you’d like to support her in these difficult times, and that you care for her, you cannot be there for her if she won’t allow you in. She’s stagnating the both of you, and all that will do is cause bitterness and resentment. If you tell her that you simply can’t wait in limbo any longer, she’ll have to shit or get off the pot and figure out what it is she wants from you… and if she’s not strong enough to tell you what that is, then move on to someone who can – and someone who is willing to share their feelings and troubles with you.