I’ve been dating a guy for about five months, and everything is going really well. However, I recently found out that he’s going to be moving almost 1000 miles away in a few months because of his work and will need to be there for at least 18 months. He says he sees a future for us (and I agree), so he’d like to stay committed to one another while he’s away, but I’m not sure if it’s feasible given the short amount of time that we’ve been together and the significant distance.
What makes for a successful long-distance relationship?
LemonVibe 
[Communication, matched expectations and …luck? Oh, and lots of communication.
I’m in a LDR that’s about to hit 3 years, and while we definitely hit some rough patches here and there I think it’s been wonderful. A little background is that we started out long-distance from the get-go and that we had been friends for four years or so, which was a little backwards and paradoxically helped out since I wasn’t used to having him around 24/7.
I think if you both want to stay together, then go for it. Since it seems to be (perhaps?) temporary that makes it easier–a rough end date is something you guys can look forward to rather than getting bogged down in never moving close to each other again. Lay out your expectations for what kind of quality time you expect–ex. My boyfriend and I have a movie night every Friday, but also enjoy letting them have their alone time. Talk a lot. We send random goodies to each other.
He’s far enough away (a 14 hour time difference) that discussion of travel is always required. Talk about your finances and sort out your visiting frequency and the factors that go with it (money, time off, work schedule). Would one partner be okay paying for another or shouldering more of the visits?
tl;dr–An end date, communicate your expectations and visit frequency, talk in general, look forward to the future (the next visit or the end of your LD)
[Whether or not a long-distance relationship works is unique to the relationship. I think sometimes when I LDR doesn’t work out, the pair tends to blame the distance when, in fact, the relationship just wasn’t meant to work out. Focus on the same things you would focus on if you were together in the same city. I find it fun to get to know each other over distance. It brings a kind of old-fashioned, romantic vibe to the relationship. Truly, it is what you make it! Good luck!
[An end date is the key, I think. That, and the mutual desire to stay together and keep the relationship going. The short time you’ve been together only matters insofar as how you feel about each other. If you both see a future and are talking openly about what it would take to make the long distance thing work, then hopefully you will be well equipped to navigate the other bumps in the road that will inevitably appear as you continue to get know each other better. Good luck!
[I’m echoing everyone else – communication is the key! While I was in college, every relationship I had was long distance at one point or another. I like LMM’s suggestion about making sure you focus all your attention on him when you’re on the phone/skype/whatever. Along the lines of an “end date”, I also think it’s important that as the time passes, you both take the time to evaluate if the relationship is still what you want. Not everyone is cut out for an LDR, and I’m not sure I could handle it at this point in my life. If you agree that you’ll try it out for a few months, and then talk about how it’s going for the both of you, that’s going to keep the lines of communication open and give you a “test run”, so to speak.
[I think what makes for a successful long distance relationship is the same thing that makes for any successful relationship: having a foundation of familiarity and trust. If you are relatively familiar with the other person, long distance relationships can simply become a nuisance. If you don’t, then it just turns into a shitty relationship. For example, what are your communication styles? Do you prefer to talk on the phone for two hours at the end of the day, or instead just send a ton of texts throughout the day? How about him? What are your thoughts on video chat – cool or silly? I was in a LDR that started out as a LDR, much like Maracuya. Only we didn’t have the benefit of knowing each other first. She, too, wanted me to send her little goodies and stuff – something to remind her of me. But the problem was, I didn’t know what the fuck to send her because I didn’t know her all that well. Then she’d get pissed at me and we’d be “in a fight” for a day. She also loved talking on the phone; I hated it. But she felt weird Skyping and being on camera, so we only physically saw each other once a month. By that time, we’d get so frustrated with everything that by the time we actually saw each other we’d be so pissed off we couldn’t enjoy our company.
Five months is not a lot of time, and 18 months is. Do you think the five months you two have had with each other is enough to make you comfortable with a long distance relationship, one that will be three times longer than you two have even known each other? Some will say you don’t risk anything by trying it. But sometimes heart break is better than having your heart broken. Then again, if you think it’s the real deal, 18 months is a drop in the fountain compared to your whole life together.
[I was in a long distance relationship- granted, it was about a 3 hour car ride apart, but this was when I was living in New York City without a car. I also had no phone, so we used the internet for the bulk of our conversations. Surprisingly, the relationship moved really fast because of our distance- We only had about every 5th weekend together, but we put a month of dates into one weekend! And, I found we never took eachother for granted when we were together.
There are some things that are really fun about being apart, and since you have an end date, I really wouldn’t sweat it. Enjoy having a boyfriend while having the freedom to still go out with your friends. Know when you are going to talk to eachother, and how often you will visit eachother.
There are a lot of successful long distance relationships that start out that way, so if you really see something good with this guy don’t throw it away over something as relatively simple as a brief LDR!
[My only long distance relationship ended up not working out… so take this with a grain of salt. What I learned, early on, was to avoid “crowded” phone conversations. When you plan to catch up via phone, skype, chat, or whatever, make sure to focus all of your attention on that conversation. Give him 100% of you in these moments, and don’t let distractions get in the way.
As Maracuya said, communication is key for long distance – consider the quality of your communication over/in addition to the frequency of it. Be available when you say you are, try not to break phone dates if possible, and in general just be respectful of the difficulties you are both going to face. There will be some resentment, some feelings of mistrust or uncertainty. That is all normal – just try not to let it take over, and don’t analyze too much.
I don’t really think the short time you’ve been together would be prohibitive of trying out the long distance thing – the worst that can happen is it won’t work out.
Good luck!