my job requires me to wear a suit (and i’m perfectly okay with wearing them) but i’m more of a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy. if i walk about work i’ll probably bore you to sleep within 8 minutes. but if you like law and order, you may find my job mildly interesting. i like to get to the gym at least 4-5 times a week so i don’t develop hyper-tension and/or diabetes. and i also do it to try and reach the unattainable goal of looking like brad pitt in fight club. (i mean b/c i like to stay healthy and fit).
in my free time i try to get outdoors as often as possible – beach in the summer, and the mountain in the winter. (i’m confined to a desk or inside windowless courtrooms during daylight hours most days so to prevent myself from becoming a rickets-ridden slouch of a human, i like to get sunlight and fresh air – more of a pragmatic consideration than a personal preference, although i do enjoy it as well). I love winter sports – i’ve been skiing since i was 5 and snowboarding since i was 14. thinking i may have to switch back to skis in my old age (a little easier on the joints). i enjoy watching and playing sports (football, golf, baseball) just kicking it with friends (yes, literally kicking things with friends, mostly homeless people) — (disclaimer: match.com and its affiliates, advertisers and subsidiaries do not support/advocate/espouse random acts of violence against the economically disadvantaged). also enjoy (at the risk of sounding horribly cliche) dining out and trying new restaurants. I’ve lived in Manhattan for 2 years and i begrudgingly admit i rarely leave my neighborhood (cause it’s so great and has everything i need!) – really do need to explore the city a bit more
LemonVibe 
[I would start by having it proof-read. There are a few simple grammatical errors that, if fixed, would elevate your profile to a be accessed by a different level of woman.
” i’ve been skiing since i was 5 and snowboarding since i was 14. thinking i may have to switch back to skis in my old age (a little easier on the joints). i enjoy watching and playing sports (football, golf, baseball) just kicking it with friends” This statement confuses me. You talk about being old, but then talk about “kicking it” with your friends, which makes you sound like a frat boy.
Overall, it’s not bad, I would be curious to find out more, but I would reread for grammar and consistency.
[I met my wife in real life but ironically, she first met me when I tried to contact her on match. My style of humor is very similar to yours and she didn’t even bother responding to me. Later when we met, she said something that triggered a memory and I asked her if she had ever been on match and when we got home she dug into her old email and found my letter…. lesson learned 😛
[I would say that you are trying VERY hard to be funny and tongue-in-cheek with this. Problem is, the people reading it have no idea who you are or whether to take you seriously. And in the end, the only thing I get is that you like outdoor activities and kick homeless people in your free time. (Yes, I know that it’s a joke, but I’m not sure it fully landed.) If I were to meet you, you might turn out to be an arrogant self-obsessed jerk, or you might turn out to be the kind of person who can make me laugh uproariously. I have no way of telling from this, because it’s a little hard to follow the humor and pick out the serious pieces.
[First I would definitely say fix all of your grammar, punctuation and capitalization. That is going to be very key. People don’t want to get a head ache just from reading your profile (if that happens what can they expect to happen in person?)
Keep some of your general interests basic: I enjoy skiing and snowboarding. I regularly play football, golf and baseball. Keeping these general allows for items of conversation later (and give a person the chance to ask questions….”I play golf too but my short game sucks, how about you?”). See, ice breakers.
Calling something cliche is cliche. Just accept what you’re putting on the profile and don’t make excuses for it. You want to get to know the city better? List some examples of things that you’re aware of but have never taken the opportunity to do yet.
Otherwise, I agree with the others too about the humor. Text is difficult to do (particularly when talking about kicking the homeless). Tread lightly.