I am quite young and am in a long distance relationship. I live in the UK and he lives in California. Long story short, I never really expected us to continue even talking after I left America, we were barely together for a week while I was there. We ended up in a relationship and a few months in (only two months ago) I broke up with him after freaking out about the fact that I’m almost certain it wouldn’t work out long term. We got back together a week later, because I felt like I had overreacted with stress. Now I’m seeing him again in person for the first time in January and I have been secretly hoping that it is terrible, so that I have an excuse to break up with him again. I have been feeling recently like I just want some time for myself and I kind of want to date properly because I feel like I could do better for me.
He does many little things that upset me and I have spoken to him about them (for example, I could count on one hand how many times he has complimented me the whole time we have been speaking,) but they haven’t changed much. I really enjoy it when we are actually video chatting but I’ve even got to the point where I question if I have feelings for him anymore, or if it’s just friendly. I’m wondering when the right time is to call it off.
I feel so horrible because the first time I did it, he took it really badly and now I’m meant to be staying at his house for a week when I go over to see him! I can’t do it before or during surely. I want there to be some way in which he will understand, but with his personality I think he will just hate me and I will feel terrible. I also will feel bad if I get home and immediately break up with him right after I saw him in person. I’m 90% sure I need to end things but I’m scared I will regret it again, I change my mind about everything every month. What should I do? Thanks.