“Worried that this long distance relationship won’t work out”

I am quite young and am in a long distance relationship. I live in the UK and he lives in California. Long story short, I never really expected us to continue even talking after I left America, we were barely together for a week while I was there. We ended up in a relationship and a few months in (only two months ago) I broke up with him after freaking out about the fact that I’m almost certain it wouldn’t work out long term. We got back together a week later, because I felt like I had overreacted with stress. Now I’m seeing him again in person for the first time in January and I have been secretly hoping that it is terrible, so that I have an excuse to break up with him again. I have been feeling recently like I just want some time for myself and I kind of want to date properly because I feel like I could do better for me.

He does many little things that upset me and I have spoken to him about them (for example, I could count on one hand how many times he has complimented me the whole time we have been speaking,) but they haven’t changed much. I really enjoy it when we are actually video chatting but I’ve even got to the point where I question if I have feelings for him anymore, or if it’s just friendly. I’m wondering when the right time is to call it off.

I feel so horrible because the first time I did it, he took it really badly and now I’m meant to be staying at his house for a week when I go over to see him! I can’t do it before or during surely. I want there to be some way in which he will understand, but with his personality I think he will just hate me and I will feel terrible. I also will feel bad if I get home and immediately break up with him right after I saw him in person. I’m 90% sure I need to end things but I’m scared I will regret it again, I change my mind about everything every month. What should I do? Thanks.

2 thoughts on ““Worried that this long distance relationship won’t work out”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You definitely can’t keep this up and move on. The sooner you move on the sooner he’ll find the person he needs and so will you. There’s no good time to do it and there’s no good way of doing it, however don’t ghost him. Tell him on Skype and cry with him, but don’t take him back. It’s sad and you will feel guilty, but you are doing the most healthy thing for you. You are not responsible for his mental health. Just yours. It will take him time to move on, but eventually he’ll see that you did care by breaking up and moving on when it just didn’t work.

    Good luck and internet hugs – you can do this

  2. Charliestar says:

    Long Distance is tough and you have to be really committed to make it work. If you’re looking for a reason to break up with him then the energy that is needed to make an LDR work doesn’t sound like something you’re willing to do. In my opinion I think you should end it now and start moving on. You sound like you’ve doubted it from the start and its unfair on him if you keep dragging him along. Just try and think how you would feel if it was the other way around and this was how he was feeling about you.
    I know break ups are hard so I hope it goes okay xoxo

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