“Is my boyfriend undeserving of me?”

I have been with my boyfriend almost a year. He means so much to me, I can’t think what I would do without him. But I feel like I am constantly doing things wrong . He tells me I’m dumb quite a lot, an example is when I drop things on the floor (this is something I’ve always done and I try so hard not to do it, but I was diagnosed with dyspraxia from a young age.)

He shouts at me a lot and tells me that he shouts because of his mental health… I’m a mental health student nurse and I try so hard to understand it. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong as a nurse, as I can’t understand. He also tells me I can’t be a good nurse if I don’t understand. I am in my 2nd year and am getting remarks from all my mentors. He is an ex-criminal, 8 years in prison. This has never bothered me.. but I would say 50% of our conversation is about his jail time and his past. Sometimes I don’t want to hear about it but he gets annoyed when I tell him that.

He spends money on weed. I don’t mind him smoking a joint every now and then but I don’t get to spend any of my money. I have spent all my student loans and bursary on our rent and bills and I never buy myself things. I don’t mind that really.. what I mind is when he tells me I’m stupid and things, I start getting conscious of my weight (I weigh 59kg and I’m 5ft 6. ) I used to self harm and I haven’t thought of it in a long time until the last few months.

I just really want to stay with him. I feel like I don’t deserve anything. He tells me I’m depressed, but I know what it feels like to be depressed and I know in myself I am not. I just want him to listen to me and try to understand where I’m coming from. I’m usually a strong person but right now I feel pathetic. Another thing is we are on a 10 days holiday and have had sex 3 times, he always tells me me he doesn’t want it or he is tired.. do you think he is going off me?

Please help me, I feel like I’ve tried everything.

2 thoughts on ““Is my boyfriend undeserving of me?”

  1. wanderingmarten says:

    Get out, RIGHT NOW. This is obviously a terribly abusive relationship. Abuse does not have to be physical to do harm. He is putting you down on purpose, and does not care, controlling and using you. noting good will come of it. You can live without him, you don’t need him, you are not pathetic, or weak. A partner should only make you feel better, not worse. i can not stress this enough, GET OUT. as soon as you can, stay with friends or family till you can get back on your feet. being alone is scary, but you can face it, and will be better of soon after.

  2. Anonymous says:

    ^ What they said. Run and fast. Move out today and in with your parents. Get your pets and valuables, erase your computer history and leave. This will get worse.

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