I have been with my boyfriend almost a year. He means so much to me, I can’t think what I would do without him. But I feel like I am constantly doing things wrong . He tells me I’m dumb quite a lot, an example is when I drop things on the floor (this is something I’ve always done and I try so hard not to do it, but I was diagnosed with dyspraxia from a young age.)
He shouts at me a lot and tells me that he shouts because of his mental health… I’m a mental health student nurse and I try so hard to understand it. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong as a nurse, as I can’t understand. He also tells me I can’t be a good nurse if I don’t understand. I am in my 2nd year and am getting remarks from all my mentors. He is an ex-criminal, 8 years in prison. This has never bothered me.. but I would say 50% of our conversation is about his jail time and his past. Sometimes I don’t want to hear about it but he gets annoyed when I tell him that.
He spends money on weed. I don’t mind him smoking a joint every now and then but I don’t get to spend any of my money. I have spent all my student loans and bursary on our rent and bills and I never buy myself things. I don’t mind that really.. what I mind is when he tells me I’m stupid and things, I start getting conscious of my weight (I weigh 59kg and I’m 5ft 6. ) I used to self harm and I haven’t thought of it in a long time until the last few months.
I just really want to stay with him. I feel like I don’t deserve anything. He tells me I’m depressed, but I know what it feels like to be depressed and I know in myself I am not. I just want him to listen to me and try to understand where I’m coming from. I’m usually a strong person but right now I feel pathetic. Another thing is we are on a 10 days holiday and have had sex 3 times, he always tells me me he doesn’t want it or he is tired.. do you think he is going off me?
Please help me, I feel like I’ve tried everything.