“Now that she has a boyfriend, she has no time for a best friend”

My best friend and I are extremely close. She has stuck by me through my hardest times. I have a significant other, and she is fully aware of that. However, I never fail to make time for both of them individually, because they are so every close to me.

Recently, she acquired her first boyfriend. Of course, I am happy for her. I’m so happy that she’s happy. But now, she spends all of her time with him and almost seems to be annoyed by me. Whenever I try to squeeze in time with her, she tells me that I’m acting like her mother and to let her just be with him. I respected their space for a long time, but it’s really starting to hurt not having my best friend around anymore. I love my significant other, of course, but we all need a female best friend. What should I do?

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6 thoughts on ““Now that she has a boyfriend, she has no time for a best friend”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Not have a female best friend? Unless you’re gay, having a female “best” friend is asking for trouble. She essentially has to choose between spending time with you, or spending time with him. If you have a girlfriend, then things could be made easier by couples dates, ect, but again, are you planning on only talking to her on the date, as what would probably happen? If you’re straight then the conversation will happen where, her boyfriends gets jealous, or where, you do (right now).At some point friends loose touch and go away. Unless you’re in a super small town and have no ambition. I’ve had a ton of friends, yet I now see them maybe once a year (only mid 20’s).
    You’re basically telling her you want more, and she’s telling you she doesn’t.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    What you’re describing is all too common and to be expected. Especially if this is her first relationship, just let her be. Give her space to immerse herself in the relationship, because it’s going to be new and exciting. And hopefully, with time, she’ll learn to find the right balance of spending time with him and spending time with you.

    The key, though, is that you have to let her find this balance yourself. The more you pressure her, the more she’s going to resent you, and then more likely you’ll only end up pushing her away (as it seems like you’re already doing). You didn’t say how long they’ve been together now, but … well, it doesn’t matter. You just have to be patient, because the reality is that best friends will always come second to significant others. I know, it sucks.

    • Anonymous says:

      The blurb was ambiguously worded. I could have written the exact same post 3 years ago.
      Also, you basically wrote the same thing I did.

  3. Triss says:

    This happened to me as well, multiple times, i think it’s just a thing that happens with friends that find love! Some people try and balans it, or either some people like to be with their lover the whole time.
    -it also could be that their lover really claims them!
    Maybe she’ll get more used to the situation and miss you and then it’ll be back to normal! Give her time it’s all new to her!
    And if she doesn’t give you the time you deserve try and move on, no hard freelings. Sometimes people grow apart and you’ll meet many more people!
    Goodluck

  4. Dave says:

    OK, this is probably not what you want to hear but…

    All of us eventually find a husband or a wife. This individual can be our “husband” or our “wife”, even if we are not married. The ROLE this individual fills in our life is that of a spouse, even before any talk of marriage happens.

    It is right and proper for each of us (man and woman) to develop this relationship which usually leads to marriage (but not always)

    But that kind of relationship requires a LOT of time and energy. In fact, it can easily consume your whole life. If you are taking it seriously, it definitely will have an impact on other relationships…

    You will know that you are putting enough effort into your primary relationship when your friends and family are complaining (loudly) that they never see you anymore…

    So here we have someone OUTSIDE of that primary relationship complaining that she never has time to spend with her best friend anymore. Yup, that’s the way it should be. Congratulate your best friend on finding her “husband”.

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