“My boyfriend won’t let me meet his parents”

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. In that time I have let him into every detail of my life, but he has been private about his own. We have quite a big age difference — I’m 19, he’s 29, and that’s fine — but sometimes it feels like I’m the more mature one. He won’t let me meet his parents, he doesn’t let me even hold his phone even when he’s driving, he’s doing up his house to rent it and won’t let me go and even see that.

His dad is in poor health, so he sleeps over at his house every Saturday night, then sneaks out at about 4 am like a teenage girl! I understand his dad is ill but it’s weird — he’s nearly 30 for christ’s sake! I don’t understand what else I can do. I thought meeting the parents etc was a normal part of relationships? This is my first long-term serious relationship and I really don’t know what to do.

Secondly, he’s always so busy at his other house that we haven’t had sex now in about 2 weeks — that might not sound so bad but we used to have sex a lot and there’s just been this steady decline over the months. I ask him if he’s happy and if he’s still attracted to me, and he says yes, but all he ever wants to do is cuddle. He won’t go down on me, he doesn’t kiss me beyond a peck on the lips — it makes me feel anxious because I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I don’t want his stress over his house and his dad to ruin our relationship, but our intimacy is in decline and I’m so worried. I can’t bear the thought of losing him, I love him so much.

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3 thoughts on ““My boyfriend won’t let me meet his parents”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You two are in hugely different life transition points. There is nothing wrong with dating a difference in age, however you are just starting out and he’s had time to get adjusted. The reason he goes for younger women is, because women his own age see through his bullshit. People who have a decade life difference tend to work out when they are already settled adults 30+.

    Also I have bad news for you. His sex drive won’t go up from here. It’s always highest in a new relationship when the chemicals in your brain scream at you to bang like it’s the end of the world tomorrow and you’ll never have sex again. Him not going down on you is just being selfish. Your pleasure doesn’t matter to him.

    If he’s worried about his dad’s health then he no longer has the energy for such a young partner and might not for a long time. Two weeks is nothing in the life view of things. My husband and I had to put it off for seven months after a horrible pregnancy, because having sex felt like having knives shoved all up in there.

    It looks like he honestly doesn’t care about making you a life partner. He hasn’t introduced you to his parents and that typically happens in 3 to 6 months. He most likely hasn’t told them about you, because he’s ashamed of what he’s doing which is a full adult sleeping with a barely adult teenager. He’s probably not going to unless you throw a hissy fit and then he’ll resent you and get rid of you faster, because then you’re not worth it. Is that fair to you? OH. HELL. to the NO!

    Don’t just leave, run like hell and don’t look back. This man is bad news and more drama will show it’s ugly face. No telling what else he’s hiding from you. Don’t let him waste your precious time finding a someone who loves and cares for you.

  2. Ellen says:

    Huge red flags with this one. Unfortunately for you it means a broken heart. Everything you described tells of a man who either a) hasn’t been truthful from the beginning about who he really is and is leading two separate lives or b) you were always intended to be a dirty little secret he had on the side. Either way he is making an exit plan and withdrawing from you.

    What you need to remember in this whole situation is there is absolutely nothing you did wrong whether it be in trusting this person or allowing yourself to fall in love. They presented themselves to be someone they obviously truly are not. This is a huge lesson learned for you, so embrace it. Allow yourself to go through the levels of existence from hurt to anger, then chin up and move on. You will have better instincts next time and be able to guard against the lies. You will be able to see red flags before they even get a chance to hit high mast. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Most important issue at the moment is walking away with your integrity intact.

    You take control of you. There is absolutely nothing you can do about him, he will not change or come into some moment of enlightenment declaring his undying love for you. Men do not work like that. If he does be wary of it, because more than likely he’s trying to keep you believing in his lies.

    The most important lesson to learn is this – Pay more attention to someone’s actions than to their words. If their actions do not support and prove their words to be true, then their words are hollow things to be discarded like trash. Hold onto this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, “What you do speaks so loud, I cannot hear what you say.” It’s time to take a deep breath, chalk it up to a hard lesson learned and move forward. Everybody has been where you are and guess what, we survived….just like you will. Sending good thoughts your way.

  3. Allie says:

    You can’t change him. What you see is probably the best it’s ever going to get. I agree w/the other two. Run the other way. 19 – you can have your pick and have plenty of time. Enjoy your youth and dating. Read Dr. Pat Allen’s book, “Getting to I Do.” Her methods can be tough – take what resonates and leave what you don’t want, but make no mistake, this is not a good guy for you at this juncture in your life.

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