My wife & I have been married for 15 years. Before I say anything about my current & long lasting situation I want to just make it clear, I love my wife.
My situation is this: for the last 15 years I have been in love with someone else, too. I met her just a few weeks after I met my wife. From the first time I saw her, I fell head over heals for this beautiful girl. ( I will use a fake name of Amy for her) From day one Amy & I hit it off. But there were two problems. 1) I was dating my now wife at the time. 2) The biggest problem, Amy, was her sister. Only four years younger than me.
So there is my problem. As wrong as it sounds, I have been in love with my sister in-law for the past 15 years.
In my 15 year marriage I have had awesome memories, good times & bad times. No kids though. On the other hand, in the years since Amy & I have known each other we have found more & more things in common. We enjoy the same music & hobbies. We can easily talk for hours at a time. We have become each others best friend. Helping each other through whatever life tosses our way. It was only a matter of time until, in various indirect ways, we both made it clear that the feelings were the same for each other. At one time just last year we had an “almost kiss” moment.
After that, we both knew what must be done, to “move on” — to pretend the “almost” didn’t happen. We needed to stop our feelings from going any further.
It is torture. I knew years ago that my feelings needed to be in check, but 15 years have come & gone, yet I still can’t un-love Amy. Again, Amy & I have never come out and said how we feel. We both know how bad that could be, not just for us but for the whole family.
In January my wife & I moved to a whole other state. Main reason was to just experience a new city, but secretly, for me, it was a way to “move on.” Then just a two months ago I heard some bad news about Amy. I couldn’t just not contact her, so I decided to text her to see how she was doing. One subject led to another, and now I’m back in contact, and back to where I started 15 years ago. Now it seems even worse because we are so far apart.
My question is…. has anyone ever been in a similar situation? If so, how did it end? Does anyone have advice how I can un-love somebody?
I want to move on but I can’t get Amy out of my head & heart.
LemonVibe 
Sounds like a emotional affair. It’s harder to break these because it’s a bit of escapism. Every time you have a problem or free time you obsess over the what if problem free relationship, but here’s the deal, it’s actually a huge set of problems. You tear up your hard built relationship with your family and hers. Write down everything you give up, because you will. Expect the worst on that list, from your kids and in laws hating you to your new love not working out how you think it will and talk to some divorcee friends. That’s reality. Time to visit a marriage councilor to find out what is really the issue, because love is both equal parts work and pleasure.
i am currently in your shoe. I married my wife 6 years ago, at that time my sister in law was under age. I wasn’t to far from her but she wasn’t old enough. Now that I have 2 kids with my wife but that feeling kept growing more for my sister in law. My problem is we only live 45 minutes away. My wife and I always visiting my in law every two weeks. It’s a great feeling I get to see my sister in law and at the same time it’s torturing my heart. It is hard when you in love with that person and you cant tell them or be with them. All I can say is I know how you feel and I wish there is a better way for both of us.
I have loved my wife’s sister for forty years and never said anything. I know she feels the same. She likes to hang around with us a lot. I have so much more fun when she is around. I even miss her when she isn’t. Maybe it harder because she is her twin sister. My wife has become so serious and really doesn’t like to do much. She doesn’t like to travel and I do. My sister- in- law loves the same things I do. Probably married the wrong twin. As I am getting older I feel like time is running out on ever getting to be with her. How do you divorce your wife and marry her sister? Pretty much too weird of a thing to do. I have never made any advances toward my sister-in-law but I am really tempted.
I’m in the same boat I’ve been married for 25 years! And I love my wife dearly but I’ve also loved her twin sister the whole time! I’ve never made any moves on her but I feel like she’s loves me the same! She is single and calls on me often to help her with various things, I just wish these feelings would go away but the sad part is we have a lot more in common than her sister and I do.
I think the hardest thing to do is to fall out of love with someone when you know they feel just as strongly about you. There’s no easy way. But this sounds like nothing but disaster and a real mess for the whole family. You just have to keep your feelings in check and appreciate that you can still have her in your life in someway.
You only live once just go for it if both people agree
Strange but this seems to be a bigger issue than i first thought. I also love my sister in law and have for approx 18 years. I could write a novel on how my life has went and the feelings i have for her. Some people think this is taboo and hurtful but the truth is the heart doesn’t know right from wrong. You can’t make yourself either love someone or not. In my situation i have hidden my feelings even though i know she also has feelings for me. Dam her husband came up to me and said in these exact words ” My wife wants everything her sister has I mean everything!” as he stood in front of me. That reaffirmed that what i thought was real. they have had lots of issues in their marriage and she has said many times even to my wife that she should have married me. My wife has told me that she had said that to her many times as well. I had known for a long time by comments she has made that she was attracted to me but i never responded and that tears me up because I do know we would be an amazing couple. Skip forward in time another year and things are getting harder for me to keep bottled up. I sent her a few Secret Admirer e-mails hoping that would quench my thirst and offset my emotions but truthfully i think it has made it worse. Unless you have felt this longing and desire, you know the kind that tears your soul out and squeezes it until it hurts. Almost or should say starts to control your life you haven’t lived. Love is a magical and powerful emotion that not even time can remedy. Not sure how this will all play out but i do plan on taking her to the side and telling her how i feel but leaving the “Love” word out. You only live once and honestly if you have these kinds of feelings for someone you should tell them. To keep this bottled up is not good for anyone and why not make someone feel special and needed if possible. for all you trolls out there, Until you walk in our shoes keep you hurtful comments to yourself. This forum and this letter is to only state the feelings of those in need not criticism.
I fall into this category of pain. Immense pain. I have been in Love with my wife’s sister since the beginning of time. Her husband is a total loser and cares little for her – sometimes calls her Alexa. She is the finest example of a woman I have ever met. My wife is the “looker” of the two, by far. Her sister, however, has a heart of gold and no mean streak in her. She has strong feelings for me, I can tell. I have told her how I feel and I write her sometimes to try to ease the pain. I thought that vocalizing the feelings might make them less hurtful. I was wrong. I have to fight to keep my eyes off of her at family gatherings and when ever I am around her I feel the pure joy of unconditional love. The sad part is she can never reciprocate the feelings. I agree with another writer before me, you can not determine for your heart, who you love, or the depth of those feelings. It is not something you can turn off or wish away. My advice to anyone reading this that even thinks they are heading in this direction – RUN from it, don’t walk. This is a bottomless pit of pain that there is no rescue from. I’d give anything to hold this marvelous,
beautiful human being in my arms and know in this lifetime she is mine.
Buddy I feel your pain I can look I’m my wife’s twin sisters eyes and I can feel her pain and mine but I love my wife just as much but I really have more in common with her sister she truly is a beautiful woman and I’ve loved her as well as my wife for almost 30 years! Sometimes I just wish she would find someone to marry maybe this would ease my pain and hers!
Buddy I feel your pain I can look I’m my wife’s twin sisters eyes and I can feel her pain and mine but I love my wife just as much but I really have more in common with her sister she truly is a beautiful woman and I’ve loved her as well as my wife for almost 30 years! Sometimes I just wish she would find someone to marry maybe this would ease my pain and hers!
I can’t blame you. Your wife’s sister is amazing. I have been sleeping with her for years. I’m sleeping with your wife now too, ever since you started giving her the cold shoulder. Keep it up buddy. I’ll likely hook up with your mom next.